Reflections from our Mennonite Voluntary Service Workers

Rachel Miller’s Reflection

When asked to reflect on this year so far, there was one main focus/idea that seemed to be consistent in my head: “Wellness.” Coming into a second year of MVS has allowed me to continue the growth that I’ve been building since last year while being open to new growth taking place. Taking a break in August in between terms gave me space and time to reflect on the goals I had for myself and for the program coming into a second year. Since arriving back in San Francisco, I have been very intentional about incorporating several different practices to keep myself physically and spiritually centered.

Some of these practices include being physically active. I have been getting up to go to the gym very early in the morning to workout. Working out for me is a way to release tension and stress that has been built up and refreshes me and gets me going for the rest of the day. I have also been journaling consistently, as well as meditating and spending time reading the bible each night. Lately, I have been participating in an 8-week compassion course, therapy, and spiritual direction. All of these practices are ones that I have accumulated this year. Realistically, I don’t do all of these practices everyday, but it’s comforting to know that they are available when I need them.

There have been many emotions that I’ve felt this year already that have been challenging, exciting and invigorating all at the same time. Some challenges that I have faced during my second year in service have been mostly correlated to work. I am continuing to serve at Homeless Prenatal Program this year, but on a different team. The team I am on this year is called “Wellness.” Similarly to last year, Wellness is closely associated with pregnant women and following their birth process. What has been difficult for me so far this year, has been feeling useful and like my gifts are being utilized. I have often felt like I have been doing “scrap” work or “office assistant” work.

This slower pace has been hard to get used to compared to the fast-pace case management I did last year. However, something good and exciting that has come out of this, has been the fact that I have time and energy outside of work to incorporate daily self care practices. Last year, work was so heavy that I barely had time or energy to be outside, create music, or go to the gym. This year I’ve been able to incorporate these practices which have been healthy and life giving for me 🙂

I have appreciated the support that FMCSF has shown me all throughout last year and well into this year. I appreciate the prayers and questions on how things are going and I look forward to the rest of this year and making more memories with the community 🙂

Savannah Walter’s Reflection

I’ve been thinking about feelings so I’m just going to go with that lens. 

Since being here, I have been thinking about trying on the sweater of observing my emotions or thoughts I may have. (Whether they are perceived as “good” or “bad”)

And I’ve been trying on honestly sharing some of those feelings with another person. Sometimes that’s a housemate, or FaceTiming a family member, or even telling a coworker. Believe it or not, this is not an easy task for me.

One example of this is the time I called my mom and my aunt when I was feeling overwhelmed, and I felt like I needed to cry. In the past, I may have held it to myself that I felt like crying, but this time I kind of let go and asked them if I could just cry on the phone with them. And it really helped. 

Another example of this was at work when I was feeling behind and I wasn’t sure what to do next. I told my supervisors I was simply feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. 

This might seem simple, but it can be very hard for me to speak up with my social anxiety, so I’m glad for these little chunks where I can.

Additionally, I have been learning that despite my desires for perfection and performing well at work, I can’t get it right all the time. I am trying to accept failures because I am seeing how I need them in order to keep growing. 

Lastly, I am seeing how I cannot take things personally. At work I have a supervisor who is tough, direct, and can be blaming. It’s taking me time to realize I can’t take what she says to heart and that I need to ask for what I need when I don’t know what’s going on. I’m seeing how self advocacy is so important, and dwelling on feelings of inadequacy is not. 

And I am thinking about the skepticism I have towards myself and working on trying to be more curious about the way my brain works instead of judging it. I’ve been feeling gratitude for FMCSF in the warmth and acceptance you have shown me since being here, so thank you.

Milo Jones’ Reflection: Authenticity in the midst of complexity and change.

There is a saying… something along the lines of “You are 3. How you see yourself. How others see you, and how you actually are. So what is the authentic self?

In my opinion, you are what you do consistently, therefore being authentic is not difficult. Sure, you may not be the person you want to be. You may not be able to perform the tasks you’d like or have the talent and skills you dream about. Perhaps you feel boxed in by the rules or social norms of your situation, but you are what you are in the face of constraints. How you act and react to complexity is a true reflection of yourself.

In his series “Conversations with God” Neale Donald Walsch wrote “Life Begins at the edge of your comfort zone.” I very much like the idea and find it to be true. I like seeking out challenging situations, it’s what I call adventure. I enjoy uncomfortable conversations. Actions taken and decisions made under a little stress get to be the truly character defining moments. Sometimes that authenticity can be uncomfortable, for you and for others, but it is a chance to learn. It is a chance to shape a world view, whether it is yours or someone else’s.

Now it is hard to point to any specific changes to my world view since joining MVS, but it certainly has shifted and evolved. Some convictions have deepened while other biases have softened. I find it impossible to really go about life without some change in world view. Every day brings new experience. Each new experience is a data-point on how you see and react to the world. Change and challenge add wisdom faster than a life of monotony, thus my drive to find the DIS-comfort zone.

Another quote that comes to me frequently, this time from Walt Whitman: “Be curious. not judgmental.” Perhaps curiosity represents the greatest strengthening in my values. In recent interactions I find that many of the people I talk with aren’t outwardly judgmental, but often times they do lack a healthy dose of curiosity. I say “Outwardly Judgmental” intentionally because I think it is impossible to hear something and not have an internal processing and reaction to new information. You can’t turn off your brain. It’s why the curiosity is so important. I want to hear what people think of themselves. I want to know what a person believes their authentic self to be. That true interest and intrigue is the difference between small talk and genuinely stimulating conversation. Curiosity is the difference between hearing about a person and learning about a person. It helps weave together the opposing threads of how one sees themselves vs. how others see them.

Now I expect the ideas of people being what they are (every action being an authentic action), or “Judgment is constant so at least be curious,” to be somewhat unpopular. This is the fun part for me though. While the past is set and represents what I am so far, the future is entirely open. I get to be entirely what I want to be going forward. I get to represent myself with every action I make. While reflection is good, I like to talk about the future more. The past represents how others see me, but the future represents an opportunity to be the embodiment of how I see myself.